“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
So much of our faith walk is spent in a cycle of waxing and waning in our proximity to Christ. There are times of pure joy, where you feel like you’ve conquered the highest mountain and nothing can bring you down any lower. Then there are other times when you feel like you’ve been crushed so deep into the pit that you’ll never come back up for air. I’m finding that our faith plays a very big role in determining the height or depth to which we will travel over the course of our walk.
It’s been awhile since I have been able to write anything. So much has taken my focus lately that when I sit down to begin to write, I draw nothing but a blank. So much has happened in the last few weeks that has seemed to change everything. Before I have begun to realize it, I’m falling back into ruts I believed I had overcome years ago. It’s almost funny how cyclical our lives really are. I remember when I first came back to God 4 years ago, how hot the fire burned inside me. I remember my mom telling me my grandmother had asked her if I was pregnant because I had such a glow about me. I like to think I still have that same visible glow. I still have the same hunger for God that I had then. I’m looking back at this time in my walk because I was battling some of the basic sins that like to corrupt the child of God; sins like gossip, pride, judgementality, and self-sufficiency. I remember how God revealed these sinful tendencies to me one by one, and how He has continued to break me free from each as I grow in my walk with Him. I’m amazed at how long I’ve been fighting these battles and how quickly I can still be overcome by these sins.
God is still quickening my spirit when I do fall to these sins, and when He does I turn in repentance. But sometimes it feels impossible to overcome them. Like they are so deeply ingrained within me that to cut them out would be to remove a vital organ. I still feel bound by these sins, though I believe I have been freed from all sin by the blood of Christ. How can this be? God’s Word tells me that I am free from sin’s grasp through Christ. I no longer have to sin, though I still feel a weakness towards it. I have found myself feeling terrible about myself, about who I’ve suddenly awoken to become. I’ve prayed for God to give me the power to stop being so critical. I’ve prayed for Him to show me the way out when I find myself in that type of situation. I’ve prayed for Him to remind me in the good times that He is the reason they are good. I’ve repented of losing sight of Him when I don’t see an impossible need. I’ve become consumed with the ugliness inside of me. But I haven’t lost my faith. I know Who to turn to when I can’t see the truth. I know Who to call out to when I can’t hear His voice. I know Who to fall back on when I can’t make myself move forward.
Yesterday, when I was driving home from work, I realized how thankful I am for the hard times in my life. They are what drives me to my knees. They are what opens my eyes to my powerlessness to do anything. They are what breaks me down long enough to rest in His arms. I’m thankful for my time of consuming ugliness because it reveals to me once more how wretched I am apart from God. I remember how weak I am to overcome my sinfulness. I remember how impossible it all seems but how possible it all is with Him. It is when I am the weakest that HE is the strongest in my life. I am so thankful for this encouragement because it reminds me to draw closer to Him even more, especially when I am feeling the farthest from Him.
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
It is my prayer that this finds you encouraged. God Bless!
bearingwithlove 